Acorns

bisexuhowl:

suazu:

#now onto the more important thing: hummus#edit: i think what really gets me#is the implication that this woman is the only person that the hummus story would ever have worked on#that no one else would have believed the hummus story for even a moment#but this boy just happened to have a mother who did not know until that very moment that her favorite food was hummus#the one person on earth who took a single bite of hummus and thought#this explains all those orgasmic sounds#i need no further explanation#all i care about now is hummus (@unpretty)

(via makingelephantsoutofflies)

superhell:

I’ve realized recently that every time I’m asked for socials my response is sorta “oh i don’t have twitter” “I’m not on Instagram much” “i uninstalled TikTok a few months ago” and this has led people into believing I’m just someone who doesn’t do social media but in reality you can find me in here lets get it on cunts monday through shawty like a melody sunday, 9am to 12am, posting blorbo.

(via cheapcheapfaker)

serethereal:

i have this disease called i will open your message and get distracted and forget to reply and then the notification will be gone so i will not have replied for ages and you will think i am ignoring you but. i am not. it’s incurable

(via cheapcheapfaker)

prismatic-bell:

toebeens:

ghulheim:

sunnyrae20:

dotted-sixteenth:

aloeveragel:

I remember in my Arabic class we were going over the alphabet and the teacher was like there’s no ‘P’ etc and this white girl was like wait what but my names Paige and my teacher was like lol then we’d pronounce it as beige and she was so offended I’m crying thinking about it

One of my mom’s friends, Hugh, went to France and they had a lot of trouble pronouncing his name because the entire thing was silent.

salut je m'appelle [REDACTED]

lol when I lived in France my host family had a friend names Hugh. We saw him and his family a lot.

They pronounced it “oog” and I didn’t know until the day before I left France that his name was Hugh. I just thought he had some weird caveman nickname 😭

that is hands down the funniest addition to this post

Someone please add that post where someone phoneticized English names into Irish/Gaelige and we ended up with Séason, I am begging you

the-real-seebs:

phalloids:

phalloids:

ellynneversweet:

afloweroutofstone:

Obsessed with the DC tourist asking for clubs with a “no ugly people allowed” policy that plays house

Is this person NYC or LA? Place your bets

#if sir Walter elliot used reddit (@spookyohan)

oh my god this is me. i was addicted to designer amphetamines and completely delusional at the time of writing this. i had lost forty pounds and thought i was hot shit. i thought i was the reincarnation of Kurt Vonnegut. this was serious, and my friends laughed when they saw this go viral on twitter. it made me realize i had issues and im sober now. im also shocked i managed to stay employed at that time. To answer your question: im from LA but I grew up all around. I was living between Baltimore and NYC at the time. My mom is a beautiful Italian woman (Milan by way of Bolzano) and my dad is an insufferable Mexican from Montreal.

fwiw, my Reddit was suspended for this, im doing a lot better now, life is good, and im really happy :)

this is the most viscerally effective anti-drug PSA i’ve ever seen, not least because i think it’s plausibly true, unlike the ones i normally see

(via ben-phantomhive)

ktempestbradford:

i-cant-carry-it-for-you:

adelphicoracle:

savethewailes:

cristalplanetheart:

😳

Let! That! Baby! Eat!!!!!!

Perfect tags

I thought he was gonna jump back on the boat at the end, fr.

(via naamahdarling)

summerchat:

hte-spagheti:

official-lucifers-child:

mr sandman was playing in this gas station and the cashier and i both sang “man me a sand” at the same fucking time without hesitation

My boyfriend and I regularly recite this one to each other

(via prismatic-bell)

thatsbelievable:

knightofleo:

“And I think that’s a fucking shame, Bob”

(via prismatic-bell)